I Pine for Camelot!

Let's forget the historical arguments, for I'm really just looking for a good movie. Antoine Fuqua has delivered it before, and I really do think his Training Day is one of the best gritty cop movies out there. He got some good performances out of good actors in what was potentially a confusing plot.

Too bad Fuqua hasn't made anything else of that caliber. I would even suggest King Arthur is his worst. At least The Replacement Killers was fun, and Tears of the Sun (Special Edition) was overwrought but intriguing.

King Arthur has nothing going for it except some extended battle scenes that are quite well done. I admit that the overall idea is really cool. I like the reimagining of King Arthur that we see here, and I don't mind that Guinevere is a warrior maiden. But the acting here--from Clive Owen, of all people!--is simply atrocious. I have loved Clive Owen since Croupier, and most of his movies are decent, or at least he is decent in them. But King Arthur has some of the worst dialogue that even Owen couldn't save it.

There are lots of other problems here, too (such as the fact that I didn't mind when Lancelot died), but I will leave the review with the simple statement that this is a bad movie with some good action. Therefore, I guess it's a decent action film.

Grade: 4 of 10

To be superbad

Apatow's films are funny (see The 40-Year-Old Virgin (Rated Widescreen Edition) and Knocked Up (Widescreen Edition)) and this one is no different. It's directed by Greg Mottola who did The Daytrippers, another decent film. These movies take the standard sex comedy fare and add an ultimately conservative twist. For The 40-Year-Old Virgin, the movie says it's a good thing to wait until marriage to have sex. For Knocked Up, casual sex gets one into trouble and babies are better with two dependable parents.

Superbad has another conservative message. But don't go looking for a wholesome family affair, for this is not it. If I had to watch this movie with my parents, I fear that I would perhaps pass out. It's raunchy. Even though there may not be nudity per se, these guys talk like real guys, and they don't talk nicely about our, umm, private parts.

It's the story of Seth and Evan, based on the writers of the script, and one evening during their last weeks of high school before they split up to go to college. They have always been misfits, but finally, they may be able to become cool without changing. That's one of the good things. It isn't about these guys "fitting in" with the in-crowd. It's more about the in-crowd realizing that they're actually cool guys.

The movie is flawed, though. So much of the script is ad-libbed that some things don't make sense. Characters say things that contradict earlier ideas, and the editors just kept it becuase it happens to be funny. I guess I can forgive that.

The DVD has some hilarious extras, too, especially the one with Jonah Hill going through different versions of his lines. I don't know how they decided on only keeping one of them. I liked them all. I have trouble recommending Superbad because of its raunchiness, but if you're okay with that kind of thing, enjoy and get something more than mere comedy out of what is ultimately a conservative, enjoyable film.

Grade for Superbad: 7

Noir Excellence

L.A. Confidential is Curtis Hanson's masterpiece. Overlook the flaws--especially the stereotypical characters--and see that it's all a part of the genre. The film noir does use stereotypes, and this movie takes that genre and makes it into a wonderful story of the gray between good and bad. There's the police thug who hates women beaters. There's the political good guy who won't compromise for anything. There's the gorgeous prostitute. There's the smarmy celebrity cop. There's even the loathsome smut-mag publisher. And none of them are quite what they seem. Each one changes over the course of the film, or we at least see a different side to every one of them.

It's watching these stereotypes develop (albeit in their generic ways) that makes this movie fun. That and the amazing shoot 'em up scene at the end. When the two protagonists make their final stand, you know it's coming, and it still keeps you on the edge of your seat. That's the sign of a good movie, and L.A. Confidential continues to deliver, even at a second and third viewing.

Grade for L.A. Confidential: 9

Catch the 3:10 to Yuma

3:10 to Yuma is quite possibly one of the best westerns I have ever seen. Granted, it's not saying much, for I haven't seen that many westerns, but James Mangold (Copland; Girl, Interrupted; Walk the Line) crafts a western that becomes social commentary. It comments on such a myriad of social problems--racism, big business, mortgages and lending, war, even Blackwater--that I want to call it an issue movie. The good thing is that it never comes right out and takes a stand on these issues.

Instead, 3:10 to Yuma focuses on character, especially Christian Bale's character. Everything in the movie is about these characters, from the way they dress to the way they walk. Each one has a different way of drawing their guns, for example, so that every character is distinct. Especially Christian Bale's. He's struggling, and the narrative makes us feel his struggle long before he attempts to become a hero. That's the good part.

There are downsides, too, but I have to forgive them because the rest of the movie is so great. The main problem is with Russell Crowe's character--Bob Wade. He's basically Hannibal Lechter in the west. Sure, he may be a gentleman, but this movie makes no bones about his murderous nature. We may try to argue that his murders are warranted, but one scene in particular involves a fork, and I couldn't help but see him as a figure of true horror. What the movie tries to do at the end, though, makes no sense to me. I don't want to give it away, so let's just say that the ending is the worst part.

In another sense, 3:10 to Yuma is a great period action film. The social commentary elevates it, but the action sequences are wonderful. All practical special effects, too. No CGI stuff here, just guys with dynamite and men actually riding horses. I loved it.

Watch it through to the end and enjoy the journey. Then forget the ending.

Grade for 3:10 to Yuma: 8

Unveiling the Mystery of Alaska

If you want to know about the great state of Alaska, just watch M. Jay Roach's Mystery, Alaska. Alaska has the following:

• Cold


• Hockey


• Freezing snow


• Adultery


• Damn cold


• Underage sex


• Hockey

And that's just about it.

Now if you're not familiar with M. Jay Roach, he's the director of the Austin Powers films, so I was expecting this movie to be funnier. There are some reallly funny moments, but it made me appreciate how much the humor of Austin Powers should be attributed to Mike Myers. The director is just there to help manage things. Mystery, Alaska tries to be funny, and it manages sometimes, but it's really an ensemble romantic film tied around a Rocky story.

It's no Rocky, though. That movie had real gravitas. This one has Burt Reynolds, who should, like the Rolling Stones, quit. He's absolutely the worst part in this movie. He made me want to relive my junior high days. They were more fun than watching him. Russel Crowe is great, of course, but his acting is beside the point. He's only one small part of this larger town, and the movie doesn't focus on him, not like it should in order to be labeled a good movie.

The fact is, though--I guess I should admit it--I enjoyed Mystery, Alaska. It was a feel good movie about how it's okay to live in a small town. The people in small towns are just as good as the jerks from the big cities who look down on them and call them "hicks" or even "lumberjacks" in this case. Being from Central, SC, I sympathized with that point. It made me feel warm inside.

And the characters are likeable, too. I found myself caring about them. I wanted them to make good. I wanted their lives to be enjoyable. I wanted them to win their big hockey game.

But these things do not a good movie make. Mystery, Alaska is, finally, enjoyable but not great. Comforting but trite. Warm but, well, freezing-your-arse-off cold.

Grade for Mystery, Alaska: 5

The Ninth Gate to Mediocre Films

Roman Polanski is an uneven filmmaker. Somtimes, he produces a great, original story that captures the imagination, as in The Pianist (2002) and Chinatown (1974). Other times, he manages to create creepy psychological drama, as in Rosemary's Baby (1968) and The Tenant (1976). In fact, Chinatown continues to be one of my favorite newer film noirs, and Rosemary's Baby is the ultimate example of how to combine horror and humor in what is ultimately a scary movie.

But sometimes Polanski's films are just okay, as in Frantic (1988) and downright bad, as in Pirates (1986). The Ninth Gate (1999) is one of those okay movies.

It's based on the book by Arturo Perez-Reverte called The Club Dumas, which was recommended to me by my friend J. Mark Bertrand. I loved it. The book was about a conniving book dealer who is researching two books at once--a lost version of a chapter by Dumas and another book called The Ninth Gate. What made Perez-Reverte's version great is the way that the main character, Corso, gets mixed up in both of them. By the end, it's almost as if he can't distinguish fantasy and reality, and so he ends up falling into several strange situations dealing with satanism and Dumas lovers. And they look a lot alike, too.

But Polanski removes all of the Dumas stuff and makes the movie solely about Corso and The Ninth Gate, a book supposedly ghostwritten by Lucifer. What he creates here is a creepy movie with a great character. Johnny Depp plays Corso as laid-back yet unscrupulous, and his acting fits the character superbly. For the first hour, the tension is taut and building. And then you learn what is actually happening, or at least what may be happening. And it goes downhill from there.

Sure the ending is left open, but it's not necessarily a good thing. Sure there is psychological drama. But by the end, I don't care anymore. The plot has become so ridiculous that I don't care about the characters or whether they manage to actually conjure the devil. And the movie incidentally features one of the stupidest sex scenes on film.

So all in all, it's an okay movie.

Grade for The Ninth Gate: 5

Guy Movie

At first, I thought Shoot 'Em Up should be retitled Guy Movie, but then I decided that it was already kind of called that. It's not exactly a profound title, right? It's descriptive of the movie, though, for that's all it is. Shoot 'Em Up is the quintessential guy flick because it is a combination of action scenes with stupid one-liners broken up by prurient love scenes and absolutely no plot. Basically, it's action pornography, as in stupid, lurid, and sensational.

As a guy, I am appalled that movies like this get made. They have real actors here, too--Clive Owen, Paul Giamatti, and the gorgeous Aramaic speaking Monica Belluci. It's not like this is a kid's remake of Raiders of the Lost Ark or something like that. It's a real movie!

And they make it to appeal to guys like me. They think that us guys don't care to think about movies and all we want is senseless sex and violence. I'm so overwrought, I feel like writing in all capital letters and using multiple punctuation marks. IT UPSETS ME, DANGIT!!!!

The bad thing is that I actually kind of like it. It's like taking the cool action scenes from the best action movies and then stringing them together into an homage. It's not a parody, at least I don't think so. While it knows it's being silly, it's doing it earnestly. The actors are really acting and the action scenes are well-done. No, no, no, this movie likes what it has done, and there are a lot of guys like me who kind of like it, too.

But honestly, I didn't want an entire movie. I actually couldn't finish it. Good action scenes need to come in small doses, and this one comes on way too strong and lasts for way too long.

And if I were in an action movie, I would say, "Yeah, long and strong, just like me."

But really, it's not that funny.

Grade for Shoot 'Em Up: 4

The Conservative Trend?

Juno is most commonly described as "quirky." It's said to see this apt description because there is an air of dismissal there, and Juno should not be dismissed. Nope. It's actually a powerful movie about love and motherhood.

But that doesn't really concern me right now. Sure, I could talk about the movie's strengths: the character's consistency and motivation; the likable and believable side characters; the witty dialogue that actually mimics how a teenager would talk.

Or I could talk about the flaws: how the intro credits falsely introduce something so serious; how the main character's intermittent narration only serves to confuse the point of view; how the dialogue changes depending on who is being spoken to.

Those things are important but they don't really say anything about how good the movie is. And it's good. But it's goodness is strange, for I think Juno is a part of a conservative trend in movies.

Take Knocked Up and The 40-Year-Old Virgin, both great comedies with a conservative message. Juno is like that, too. At once, it is a great argument against abortion. The main character decides not to have an abortion in a scene that is actually funny and not at all preachy. But it's the right thing to do, at least according to the logic of the movie.

It's also quite liberal, though. It says nothing about underage sex and just assumes that it's okay. It glances over the fact that Juno herself will never be quite the same. It glances over the fact that Juno and her now boyfriend now have a child, even if they aren't in contact with it. And it even leaves the Jason Bateman character in the lurch even though Juno has played a role in practically destroying his life.

Never mind that, though. The fact that Juno goes through with the pregnancy overshadows most of the rest of the plot.

It's all the other stuff that makes it a good movie.

Grade: 9