It Sure Ain’t the Top

For a while there, I was stuck on trying to figure out whether movies were conservative or liberal, and my aggregate response should have been obvious: we’re talking about Hollywood, not the New Republic, so of course films tend to be conservative. Yet I have been determined to find a conservative film. I know they exist, in early films at least, but I just want to know if there are any conservative filmmakers out there.

I think I may have found one. His name is Bruno Barreto and he’s Brazilian. I know none of you have heard of him, which probably has something to do with the fact that his average rating on Rotten Tomatoes is 49%. Yeah, pretty much his film seem to suck, and View from the Top (2003) is no different.

Yep, I actually watched this piece of crap. I could blame my wife—she’s the one who picked it—but I still sat through it. It’s not as bad as Bridget Jones 2, but it never made me laugh and a few scenes made me cringe. I know I tend to say this a lot, but what made Gwyneth Paltrow make this movie? She’s an Oscar-winning actress for crying out loud! Why, Gwyneth, why?

But let’s not go on about how bad this movie is, or why Paltrow decided to star in a film with Christina Applegate. Let’s move on to how this film is conservative.

The plot is typical, although the setting isn’t. A country girl—Paltrow—wants to break away from her small-town heritage and make something of her life. Her destiny seems to be to marry someone who will more than likely beat her, and to work at Big Lots for the rest of her life, so she decides to go for the glamorous job of stewardess. She gets a job at a small company and eventually proves herself and moves onto a big company. She finally makes it! But there’s a catch. In order to strike it big-time (which means flying international from New York to Paris), she has to leave her boyfriend, who is sticking around Cleveland. Well, guess what?

--I’m going to spoil the movie now, but I don’t feel bad because I don’t want any of you to actually watch this piece of drivel.—

She does it! She leaves her boyfriend behind and becomes a super-successful stewardess! Yep, she makes all feminists proud and decides that she doesn’t need a man to be happy! She strikes one for team Steinam!

She isn’t happy, of course, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is that she has broken away from our patriarchal strictures and made something of herself that is independent of man.

But then she goes back to him! She leaves it all behind and decides that being with him is much more important than her job. In the final scene, she goes crawling back, and he says (the words are not exact quotes here), “So you’ll stay here in Cleveland?” Yep. “And you’ll be happy?” Yep. She gives it all up, because the women should stay where their men are. That’s right. Women have to give it all up for the men they love.

At this point, I was really happy. Here was the conservative film I had been waiting for. Never mind that not even Mike Myers could make this movie funny. Never mind that Paltrow sports a rural accent and what seems to be a mullet through most of the movie. Here was my conservative film!

But then there was one more scene, which came on briefly as the closing music started. It showed an airplane flying, and a somewhat familiar voice was speaking to the passengers. Then it shows us Paltrow in the pilot seat! Yep, she’s now flying internationally from Cleveland as the pilot!

Damn, I thought. Foiled again.

As somewhat of a sidenote, the movie equates mullets and Southern accents with unsophisticatedness. By the end of film, Paltrow has lost her accent. Not uncoincidentally, she has also become a pilot.

Anyway, the movie turns out to be less conservative than I thought. Even thought the pilot scene seems to be an afterthought, it lessens the conservatism without particularly ruining it. Paltrow still stayed with her boyfriend, after all. She had to give it all up and start anew because that’s what a good girl does for her man. Sure, she takes over the traditional male role as pilot, but it was staying with her man that forced her to have to do that. And how many years did she have to rot in Cleveland to get there?

Overall, this film stinks, and I don’t want any of you to watch it.
Take my word for it, please.

By the way, I will be reviewing a Wim Wenders film next. So all of you who have been waiting to see me tackle something more intellectual, this will be your chance…

Grade for View from the Top: 1