Corking The DaVinci Code

So many people write about unlocking it, I want to say finally that the whole thing should be corked, put a stopper in it, toss it out to sea for someone to find a few million miles or years from now. Maybe they will find it fresh again.

Ron Howard’s The DaVinci Code (2006) focuses on one thing—talk, talk, talk—and all of that talk makes one movie boring.

First, I need to apologize to my audience. Yes, I went to see this terrible film. I was hoping it would be good (for I enjoyed the book), but my expectations weren’t too high. I know I should have resisted and not gone to see it. I know I should have boycotted it even on DVD. Why should I pay to see something that will be so terrible? I know, I know. I have no excuses. My mom is in town, and she enjoyed the book, as well, so she and I went to see the film. It was nice to get out, too.

Even if the movie did stink.

It kept going and going, like an old, worn out Energizer bunny. Imagine watching the Energizer bunny beat on his drum for two and a half hours while you get very small glimpses of Paris or London, and you will know what this movie is like.

If we didn’t know it before, be assured that an exciting book does not necessarily make for an exciting movie. The car chase at the beginning is so blurry, in fact, that I couldn’t tell what was happening. The rest of the action is like that too—blurred and muted in favor of explanatory dialogue delivered by an excellent cast. I love Audrey Tautou in Amelie (2001), Dirty Pretty Things (2003) and L’Auberge Espanol (2003), but she is probably the worst one here. Her smile is too vibrant for Sophie, and when she tries to brood, she reminds me of my cute daughter who is obviously faking her tears. I hate Tom Hanks (Maybe I will explain why in some future entry.), but he is really good here. His long hair doesn’t look stupid, and he is able to make the lines convincing. Ian McKellan is awesome, as usual, and the best scene is when we watch Hanks and McKellan banter about the Holy Grail, arguing as to what is historical and what is myth. Paul Bettany and Jean Reno are not at their best here, but they’re still good and interesting to watch.

Besides having a bunch of good actors, though, this film has absolutely nothing going for it. Sure, it’s filmed well, too, but neither of those things can make up for a plot that doesn’t hold together in its film version.

So I say cork it.

Yet I fear there’s an Angels and Demons (2007?) waiting in the wings…

Grade for The DaVinci Code: 4