No, it’s not a new documentary about Donald Rumsfeld. It simply combines the titles of two of the worst films I have seen in a while. I guess we’re in the dog days of originality because every script that isn’t a comedy or drama seems to be based on a comic book, video game, or even an earlier film. Did someone decide to remake The Omen just because the date June 6, 2006 was approaching? It seems so. These remakes are coming out willy-nilly and The Fog (2005), a remake of John Carpenter’s The Fog (1980) is a useless example of it.
Let’s take the story on its own without looking at the original, which I haven’t seen. It is far and away one of the worst horror films. I have written quite a bit about the new style of horror that is scary while being visually creepy. This one does neither. It hearkens back to an older style of ghost story that just doesn’t hold up. I’m scared pretty easily, I think, and no part of this movie scared me. When I watched it at night by myself I didn’t have to turn the volume down or look away because I knew something was coming. In parts, I think I laughed at the plot’s “coincidences.” Nevermind the silly relationships among the half-plotted characters; let’s examine why the fog kills whom it does. No, wait, we can’t do that because there is no relationship between their deaths. Sometimes the fog targets specific people and just tries to get rid of them quickly. Other times, it takes its time and tortures them. It has to leave during the day, too, because, well, fog only comes at night, right?
Stupid. Just plain stupid.
Doom (2005) was so much better that I felt vindicated. Don’t get me wrong, it was still bad, but it was at least enjoyably bad. Whereas The Fog was serious and didn’t know what it was doing, Doom knew that it was a silly premise and it seemed to relish it. At one point, there is what looks like a cage match between one of the monsters and a marine. At the end, the two main characters strip down and have a superhuman wrestling match, which is awesome. Sure, it attempts to be serious while it’s doing these things, but how can it really? How can it go into a first-person shooter mode at the end and turn around corners just like one does in the video game and not know how silly it is? The Rock tries to be so serious as he orders around other maries that I can't help but laugh.
Stupid, sure, but fun, too.
I’ll take Doom over The Fog any day.
Grade for The Fog: 0
Grade for Doom: 3
1 comment:
hee hee! barb and I went to see Doom in the theater. Well, we didn't intend to, but whatever it was that we had wanted to see was sold out-- since we were already at the theater and I had my billfold out, we decided to see something. It was a beautiful moment where we both scanned the movies playing, turned to each other and said "DOOM!" at the exact same moment.
Doom kind of got a raw deal. Sure, it was bad, but it knew it was bad. When that first-person scene started, I laughed and laughed. The huge wrestling thing at the end was fantastic. I thoroughly enjoyed it, in much the same way I thoroughly enjoyed, say, The Chronicles of Riddick or Final Destination 3.
If you can't love truly bad movies, what can you love?
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